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Save it for your diary or for anyone who didn't date him. This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you'll find a sympathetic ear.However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact. For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her.And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge.Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.So you recently split from your boyfriend or girlfriend, and the pain of your breakup has you feeling lonely and heartbroken, missing your old flame.
The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your dude with your besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life. It's OK to come to your partner for advice if you're arguing with your friend, or vice versa, but absolutely resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other.
Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other.
This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that I think of it. Don't ask your man if you're prettier/smarter/better at Scrabble than his last girlfriend.
Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera. It's easier, of course, to have hard-line rules — "exes are never OK" versus "exes are totally fine" — but that's not the world we live in.
If they choose to share details with you, that's fine — you don't need to stick your fingers in your ears, unless an overt comparison is being made (see No. Your relationship and theirs are separate things, and you don't need to know anything they don't care to tell you. If someone seriously mistreated your friend (we're talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc.), don't date him, no matter how awesome his butt looks in jeans.
Whether you’ve been dating for a few weeks or you’re coming up on double-digit anniversaries, escaping for a vacation with your love interest may reveal more about your relationship than you ever knew before.