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He took on the work of trying to solve issues that were never his to begin with.Today, EJ has been happily married to his third wife for more than ten years and has a great relationship with his kids and growing group of grandchildren.“EJ” was always the guy people counted on—smart, driven, loyal. Needless to say he was devastated when his first marriage turned into a mess. It gave him a sense of purpose, made him feel good.Eventually, there was no choice but to end the marriage and EJ emerged from what he could only imagine was to be the worst time in his life.Until his second wife racked up huge amounts of debt and then deserted him with it.
"Too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date," says Gadoua.By the time he was thirty he found himself with a busy job, a big mortgage, two kids and a wife who was mentally unravelling.She had an affair, admitted it, promised to never do it again … Worst of all, she threatened to take sole custody of the kids if he ever tried to divorce her.Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal — after all, you're dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval — and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says.Accept invitations to parties." While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood — and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. You've decided to start dating — isn't that your "intention" right there? "Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills too." And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!
"Online dating is not only mainstream, it's one of the best ways to widen your search, rather than just hoping that you'll meet someone in the coffee shop," says Dr. And these days, there's a site for everyone, from e Harmony and Match to niche sites like JDate.