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Posted by / 22-Oct-2020 00:53

I'm not normally uncomfortable with peoples personal choices like this but for some reason I cant shake this. Perhaps my ex was an asshole (he was) but I have heard similar stories enough times to be aware that quite often, big age gaps like these when one person is still literally a teenager is a bad idea. Wish someone would have been upfront with me, but who knows if I would have listened.I want to be there for my bro and he hasn't dated someone in a long time so he is pretty deep already. I did the same thing, though a bit of a smaller age cap. It wasn't a toxic relationship and we were actually really good with each other, but it's weird.We would want different things and there would be such a gap in maturity. My current partner is older than me and REALLY made me feel like shit about enjoying things that people my age were enjoying.I regret it at times because I feel I never got to live out my youth.No woman worth her salt his own age would have put up with half the shit I did and unfortunately he was my first everything so I had a very skewed perception of relationships for a bit after that.I like your advice to pay attention to how they act. Now I’m the age he was when we dated, I can see he definitely did not have his shit together. I was at a completely different point in my life than he was. He seems to be wanting to relive his younger days lately and now in the process of splitting up. At the time I thought I was so cool and mature, but looking back several years later it was really messed up.

I'm still out doing me and he has decided to stand by me. He was hot and that physical chemistry was all we had but in retrospect he was a loser who had no direction in his life and I’m pretty sure he dated me because I was younger and inexperienced and he could manipulate the relationship to get what he needed while neglecting my needs and making me feel that was normal. Not quite as big of an age gap, but still pretty significant.Once the honeymoon phase wore off, it was like 'why are we together? She was starting a good career and wanted to settle down, as is typical for someone that age, and I was in my university and party phase. One of my close bros just started seeing someone pretty young for them, he confided in me that he was initially uncomfortable about the age gap but proceeded to now date this person. He probably feels impressive in her eyes and that makes him feel better about himself. He used my immaturity and naivete to pressure me into doing things I was not prepared for, emotionally and physically. But just judging from what you wrote and my own experience, I think hes probably a creep. I thought I was so cool dating an older guy, but with time I realized how manipulative and condescending he was.She seems perfectly fine after meeting her but for some reason I'm still finding it hard to ignore the age gap. He condescended me a lot and acted like I was stupid for liking typical 19-year-old girl things. If he brings her around: pay attention to how they're acting. Does he talk down to her or make pervy comments to her publicly? And dont be afraid to call him out if he acts shitty toward her. Editing to add: it's very likely that the "cool and mature" feeling I spoke of will wear off quickly and be replaced with a "wtf am I doing with this guy" feeling. But if anyone asked me at the time it was all good, no issues!

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If we were the same age we definitely would have worked out, but the whole experience soured me against age gaps in relationships.